today marked the end of PW-closure to months of torture and laughter

alicia gave us letters today, and it made me feel like the months were worth something.

i forgot to mention some parts today and i didnt even realise until i sat down, but who cares anymore.

met queenie for lunch on wed, it was really good catching up since long time ago.

i realised that even though i've been away so much and i've been absent for cell for months, i can always go back any day and not have anyone look at me in a different light.

now i'm just waiting to see what will happen to me on monday.

maybe i've been living too much in the shadow of expectations, the first thing i think of when i tell myself i might retain would be how i would tell my parents, without fail.

or maybe i'm just afraid to find out how i will think of myself.

anyway, i've been gorging myself with criminal minds and its scaring all my cells.

until monday, i am going to PLAY!

when people are feeling vulnerable, a lot of things help

-criminal minds

thats how much i've been watching these past few days haha!

this time, its goodbye forever.

i'll never see you again, but i remember how you always remembered me.

know that

i love you.

“I understand” is underrated.

Console phrases come in handy at the most critical points, they help to relieve a whole portion of frustration, but the relief is momentary.

My mother went to violin teacher’s house on tues, apparently her birthday just passed. Its so ironic how someone so unattached to you could see so much in you. She told my mum I look so “un-present” sometimes, like I’m not even there, just drifting off into my own world. Other than that, the usual comic relief, that its obvious when I don’t practice haha. I have to put my mind to practice, I cannot let her down again.

On the sideline, I’m getting fat again, school is making my “dreams” of having 4 meals a day come alive. poop. :/ and I went to the gym to run on mon cause it was raining. Believe me or not, I’ve been living there for 10+ years, but it was my first visit to that gym and I felt like an amateur with all the regulars there. And its annoying how the songs on my itunes are associated with rain. PISH POSH.

I’m also glad PW is almost over, and we’re tying things up (: this round of PW intensive was actually enjoyable, since we spent most of the time playing (: and eating (I had macs on mon, grow on fats)

And in case you were wondering why my don’ts have the ‘ and my first words of the sentence is in caps, unlike my usual lazy typing, its cause I’m on MSword, like I said, there is no internet here ):

my mother just asked about results, i simply told her 16th.

she didnt know how i screwed up, i'm just hoping for the goods.

pw's coming together, which makes me feel a lot better in the midst of

everything.

service just now, talked about how we should trust in Him.

had this small sharing time, and when jasmine asked me whats wrong,

i realised i couldn't answer, not cause i was afraid to say something was wrong, but rather i felt so lost.

in the midst of doing so many things i actually dont know what i'm doing, and why i'm doing them. i've always told myself i wanted to do well, go to uni, do that 1 thing i've always wanted to, but ever since my results plummeted everything else collapsed too.

tell me, can i not be lost when things are like that.

its quite funny cause when people ask you hows everything and all my minds a blank and there's just nothing to think of.

on the happy side, my flu is gone, finally. after 8 freaking days.

what is poverty.

pw's been crazy, but independent work times have really made me laugh a lot more.

i dont think the class has ever spent so much time together, but its really fun and cool, only to my dismay that i realised it recently.

anyway, i'm halfway through crimenight, exciting ((:

i should also smack myself for falling sick at a time when my body is supposed to start working (exercising).

):

when i can't, i can't, so stop it.

i've always been a letdown.

this time it was no different, only worse.